Yes, Ferret
by PiecesofAlchemy
Summary: "Granger…" started Draco. "Yes, ferret," she responded and he smiled. Everyone else groaned. Two-Shot. EWE.
1. Chapter 1

"So…Sam and I are done."

"Ugh, finally…"

"It's about time! I don't know how you stayed with him so long…"

"Well…he's a giver…"

Pause.

Hermione counted to three in her mind.

"Ew, Hermione!"

"We did not need to know that."

"Good girl."

Hermione exchanged a smirk with the blonde beside her who made the last comment. He winked at her.

"Malfoy, this is your fault," Harry groaned, still shaking his head.

Ron took a swig of his drink, "Yeah mate, you're a bad influence on her."

"Um…excuse me, if you were talking about this in the locker room, as sources suggest, then you'd be high fiving the prat," responded Hermione indignantly.

Draco laughed and they all looked at him for a moment. It still sometimes took them aback to hear his genuine laughter rather his usual sarcastic bark.

"She's got a point idiots, I haven't corrupted her…she's allowed to do whatever and whomever she wants without your hypocritical commentary," he drawled amusedly.

Harry rolled his eyes, "You forget she's like our sister, she can do whatever and _whomever_ she wants, we would just like her to spare the details."

Ron nodded in agreement with a serious look on his face, "Otherwise, we would lock her in a bell tower and throw away the key."

"Jerks, I am sitting right here," Hermione announced downing the rest of her drink and getting up to buy the next round.

The three boys looked at her fondly as she walked away and leaned over the bar to ask Hannah for another round of firewhiskeys.

"So what is that, number 6?" asked Ron passing his glass between both hands.

"Eight," replied Draco not bothering to look at them.

Hermione returned with the round and with a "Thanks 'Mione" from Ron, sat down again.

"So, tell us about number 9, what poor soul is getting their heart broken by you next?" asked Harry taking his drink from her.

"Uh…no one at the moment," came the delayed response. Ron and Harry looked at Draco. He was staring at her.

"That's..ah…pretty big news," said Ron cautiously.

Hermione looked at Ron oddly, opening her mouth to answer, but was cut off.

"Ah, declared your love for Potter have you, Draco?" a derisive voice interjected.

An amused voice joined in, "I would think he would have declared his love for Weasley given the sexual tension they've shared over the years."

"Pans, Zabini, how kind of you to finally join us," Draco ignoring their usual remarks as they took their seats at the table.

"Maybe Malfoy is madly in love with both of us," snarked Potter, the firewhiskey starting to kick in.

Draco snorted, "You wish, it's enough working with you losers, you're lucky I'm even remotely interested in drinking with you."

"'Mione dumped Sam," Ron relayed sagely to Pansy and Blaise.

"Girl Sam or Boy Sam?"

"Boy Sam. Girl Sam was only a few times," Draco replied for her.

Blaise scoffed, "This was the big news? It would be bigger news if I was dating Boy Sam."

Harry rolled his eyes, "No you prat, the big news is that Hermione isn't currently seeing anyone."

Pansy's jaw dropped open, "Shit." She looked over at Draco for confirmation who nodded his head.

"It's not a big deal guys, I'm sure someone will pop up, we're in a bar for crying out loud," Hermione sounded slightly irritated.

"Granger, I'd pop up for you any day," flirted Blaise with a wink, "unfortunately, I'm on the list." He glared at Draco mockingly.

"Darling, we both know I'd destroy you," came the saucy reply.

Pansy chuckled, "Hermione Granger, I'm so glad the boys put their sexual tension aside so that we could become chums. Kingsley really outdid himself by putting those three together."

"That's what happens when the Golden Trio loses their brains. They can't function properly without me…well couldn't…now that they have Malfoy, they won't die in the field," opined Hermione.

"Woah, 'Mione, tell us how you really feel," joked Ron, "but I guess its true. Once Malfoy told us the history of the Veela wars and I thought he was channeling you."

"I thought you out of anyone would be interested in Veela wars. Every time you see Gabrielle, you start peacocking like you're in a freaking zoo," Draco bit back good-naturedly.

"Those wars are so interesting, they at least highlight strong female achievements and don't gloss over the reality of the loss," started Hermione candidly, Draco nodding along.

"No…no…I'm not listening to this again. Shh…Hermione," Harry shook his head.

"Don't shush me, I'm fucking Hermione Granger," she grinned back at Harry.

"I'd like to be fucking Her-" started Blaise and stopped short at Draco's look. He cleared his throat and continued…"I mean I would like to embark upon a long and virtuous relationship that ends in marriage with Hermione Granger."

Hermione choked on her firewhiskey roaring with laughter, "That's cute, Zabini."

The whole table joined in as Blaise pouted and got up to get another round.

"Granger…" started Draco.

"Yes, ferret," she responded and he smiled. Everyone else groaned.

"Already?" sighed Pansy, "How long have you all been here, it's only 9 pm."

Ron muttered, "We got here earlier, the Ministry had an after work social, we came straight here afterwards."

Pansy shook her head as she watched Draco and Hermione lapse in to a whole other language.

"I know," said Harry looking at Pansy's expression, "these two are bad enough at work when they are discussing the latest case…slightly tipsy and they can solve the world's problems."

Blaise returned to the table and nearly smashed his head on the wall, "Already?!"

"Last time, they figured out a three-year old case in less than 30 minutes, it's scary mate," shuddered Ron.

"You all work together, well more Hermione and Draco since he's the liaison with the Department of Mysteries, I don't know how you all aren't sick of each other," Pansy said dramatically.

They looked over at the two briefly, who had started arguing as if on schedule.

"So Pans, how's work?" asked Blaise.

She smiled and launched in to a story about the latest project she was working on. She was halfway through her story when they noticed that the arguing had gotten louder than usual between the two. They ignored it.

Ron had moved on to a story that Neville told him about his recent encounters with encouraging house unity at Hogwarts and somehow ended up teaching a dance class with McGonagall. Harry chuckled and launched in to the story about Ron dancing with McGonagall during their fourth year.

 _CRACK_

"MALFOY!" Hermione exclaimed loudly.

They looked over at the two. There was a house elf standing in front of Hermione and Draco had his hands around hers.

"No damn it, Granger, marry me!" he said exclaimed loudly.

Ron dropped his glass.


	2. Chapter 2

The table had gone dead silent. Pansy was gawking, Blaise was shaking his head, Harry looked serious and Ron looked…well…hungry, but also confused.

Draco and Hermione hadn't noticed.

"Malfoy. Don't be crazy," said Hermione slowly trying to unsuccessfully pull her hands out of his grasp.

He held on tighter.

"Crazy?" he responded with a smirk, "No, my dear Granger, it would be crazy NOT to propose to you."

"I think you've lost it Malfoy, one too many hits to the head in the field. We'll get you some help," she said soothingly.

"Merlin, Granger, don't pretend like you don't know what the fuck is going on. You told me two years ago when that ass Patrick crushed your spirit that you needed time. And you did whatever the hell you wanted for two years. You've stopped. I want in. And I don't want to be another number on this damn list you've got going." Draco stared down at her refusing to release her hands.

"So you're going to propose marriage to me?!" she shrieked, "We haven't even…you don't even…I can't…"

His eyes narrowed and he shook his head stubbornly, "Oh no…you do not get to reduce this from what it is…I'm not going through this traditional courting bullshit for you to get scared and run at the first chance of actually being happy. I have watched and encouraged you for two years, because that is what you have said you have wanted. Quite frankly, it doesn't seem to be that way anymore."

Hermione bristled, "Oh and you now get to decide what's for me? Get bent, Malfoy."

"Fine. If you want to continue, by all means do it. But, no more using me as your emotional pillowcase. Whatever the hell you've been doing showing up at my door, wanting all those relationship-y things, I can't handle it anymore. I'm not giving up, but you can't have it both ways," he said coldly releasing her hands.

The hurt was apparent in her eyes, "I thought we were friends."

He ran a hand through his head frustrated, "We are you crazy woman. You are getting harassed, you need me to move furniture, you've got an emergency, you want to talk shop, I'm there. I'm not there to supplement your physical relationships with your mental and emotional needs. You can default to your Golden Boys for that. It doesn't need to be me…especially not all the time."

He sounded tired. She had never heard him speak like this before. He had always kept things light and empowered her to do the things she wanted rather than worrying about what everyone else thought was right.

She felt her eyes fill with tears. He couldn't help look over at her and sigh.

"Granger…I don't need to date you. I really don't. We see each other every day. You're the only fucking person in the universe who can get away with calling me Ferret and not getting hexed. Hell, the tone you call me Ferret in when you are near drunk, is enough to make me want to change my name. You're not keen on whatever it is you're doing now, you'd rather hang out with me on most nights. You fall asleep on my fucking couch and eat all of my cereal, you Floo me in the middle of the night to discuss cases that are supposed to be top secret and you've stolen 3 of my most comfortable shirts. I keep hair ties in my bathroom because you always forget them and need to put your hair up and take it down many times in one hour. You have a mug that you have claimed as yours in my office! I don't need more reasons…I know what life with you is like, I want it. Period," he spoke moodily as he threw back the rest of his drink.

Pansy took in a sharp breath. Blaise rubbed his eyes suspiciously. Ron and Harry shared a look. This was nothing new to them.

Apparently, it was nothing new to Hermione either.

"Draco…I'm kind of surprised. I know what you said two years ago…"

He cut her off, "I would have proposed two years ago if I didn't think you really needed this time. This isn't new. The only new thing is what you've been doing these last few months."

She stared at him hard. She was at a loss about what to say. She tried another approach.

"Maybe you think you…" she trailed off as she saw his warning look. It was clear. _Don't tell me what I think. I know._

"So where does this leave us then…I don't accept and you what, disappear from my life like an asshole," she said bitterly.

"It hurts that you think that low of me, but I can't forget what you must be comparing it to," he responded curtly.

"I'm not leaving. I'm not giving up. But you're too used to life with me. These things, little things, are big things when they are absent. I'm not trying to punish you Hermione, I just think it's time you either think of me in that way or you don't. If you want to parade another 9-10-15 more, go for it. I'm not judging you – I'll even listen to the stories, but I can't always be your go-to guy. Not with how I feel."

She looked at him seriously, "I'm Hermione fucking Granger."

He smiled fondly, "Yeah you are."

"You taught me that."

"That I did."

"Why can't we just try it out?"

"Nope – unlike the rest of these bastards, I know to snap you up right away."

"You are SO weird."

"Granger…when's the last time I had a serious relationship?"

"Uh…oh."

"Yeah…oh."

"Malfoy…"

"Yes, bookworm?"

"Why is there a house elf in a tutu holding out a ring box?"

Ron coughed "finally!"

Draco grinned. He didn't smirk, he didn't smile, he let out a 100-watt grin.

"That's your proposal," he said nonchalantly.

"You thought, proposing to me with your house elf was a good idea?"

"She's your house elf now."

"I BEG YOUR PARDON." Hermione went to rise, but he grabbed her arm and dragged her back down.

"Easy, Granger. This is Mitsy. Two years ago, a crazy bint who looks a lot like you, lectured me for SIX hours on the topic of house elves. SIX fucking hours. And you know what? I heard every damn word. Mitsy is a free elf. She works for a galleon a week and new clothes every two months. She has Sundays off. And she wants to be with you. You don't own her, but she's yours. You take care of her, she's my favourite."

Hermione felt her jaw continue to drop as Draco spoke. He softly pushed it back in to place.

He finally looked to the rest of the table and smirked at their shock. He still had a flair for the dramatic.

Leaning forward he took the box from Mitsy and placed it in to Hermione's hands.

"Granger. Marry me. Keep this, take your time, days, weeks, years, I'm not going to anywhere. Just…stop and think. We're good for each other. The last few months in particular prove it. When you're ready, give the box back. I'll ask again. You're special, Hermione. I'm not going to take a chance on what we could have just because this way is a little unconventional. I'll see you tomorrow," he cupped her cheek in his hand and brushed his thumb against her face. Kissing her on the forehead, he stood up, nodded to the rest of the table, high fived Mitsy, and left the pub.

Silence.

"Draco Malfoy…just proposed to me with a house elf," Hermione finally said in awe.

"Draco Malfoy proposed to you," repeated Harry.

"The ferret proposed to you," chimed in Ron.

"There's a reason that list he created has a loophole," said Blaise.

Hermione nodded letting everything sink in, her hands clutching the ring box.

"What the hell are you waiting for, go after him!" yelled Pansy startling her from her thoughts.

She looked at them all, they nodded encouragingly. She smiled.

Rushing out on to the street of the pub, she looked around seeing a blond head of hair walking towards the village.

"MALFOY!" she called and ran quickly to catch up with him.

He looked startled as he turned out.

"Yes?" he said suspiciously.

She panted catching her breath. And then she hit him, repeatedly.

"Ow…ow. Granger, stop. Use your words, woman!" he said taking her wrists.

She eyed him up and down.

"You proposed to me with an elf!"

He shrugged.

"You proposed to me in a bar!"

He shrugged again.

"You proposed to me drunk!"

He nodded.

"YOU PROPOSED TO ME!"

He smiled.

She released her wrists from his grasp. Putting one hand on her hip, she stared at him.

"Get down on one knee."

He looked at her confused, "Why?"

"Malfoy so help me Merlin. Just do what I say, get down."

He eyed the ground, "It's a bit dirty, though."

She grinded her teeth, "A little dirt never hurt, get down."

He sighed and complied with her request.

"Granger, if this is some sort of punishment…"

She shoved the box in his hand.

"Ask me again," she commanded.

"What?" he made to stand up and she motioned him back down.

"Stay on your fucking knee and ask me again. Properly."

"How is this properly? It's the middle of the night and I'm sullying my clothes in the street…" he trailed off at her expression.

"You should have thought of that before you yelled it in my face earlier. My terms. Now. Ask. Again."

He sighed, maybe he was crazy. Pansy, Blaise, Harry and Ron had made their way out and were gathered a few feet away. Harry was smiling, he motioned to Draco to continue.

Fine. He would play her stupid game.

He took a deep breath and popped open the box. He looked at her and her features had softened as she looked at him in a way he had seen from her fleetingly several times, but never for this long. It gave him courage.

"Marry me."

He had already given her all the reasons, put himself on the line. It wasn't the most romantic or traditional proposal, he had thrown a house elf at her for goodness sake, but he didn't think anything suited her more. There would be time enough for romance and the like, he just wanted to know she was giving him a lifetime to show her all the reasons why.

He was a little nervous at her pause. Perhaps she was re-thinking, second-guessing, maybe she was going to have him committed. But then she said it. The words that she said those nights where they had slightly too much to drink, the words that came out tender and loving of their own accord. The words that once were meant to taunt, were teasing, and intimate. She said them again that night, the only fitting answer to his question.

"Yes, Ferret."

He smiled.


End file.
